HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
