Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
