I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize