i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
