I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
