she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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