I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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