She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
