Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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