Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
