I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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