Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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