She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
