sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
