she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
