You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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