I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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