I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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