what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
