Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
