it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
