Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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