just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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