Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
