the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
