so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
