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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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