he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
