My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
