that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize