I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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