I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's great music for shaving your balls
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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