i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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