oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
