i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
