Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
