i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
