kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
