i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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