Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize