it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
