Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
