I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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