I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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