Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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