I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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