listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
