If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
