Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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