Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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