Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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