I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
