so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
