You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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