Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
