He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize