The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize