Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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