Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
